I work with autistic adults and we often discuss the cost of emotional labour. That might look like this: The emotional labour of showing up at work, pretending to fit in and that the work conditions are okay, is high. However, the emotional labour of having to disclose that you’re autistic, when you don’t want to, and explain your needs to your manager, or others, to have them met – having to share private information to be allowed to be you - is also very high. It's not a matter of which option is better or has less emotional labour attached. It’s about calculating which emotional labour will benefit you the most in the long run, despite the immediate costs. Often, it seems easier to persevere than out oneself. Often, it seems easier to disregard one's mental health and needs than to ask for them to be respected and met by others. But that's not just relevant to autistic people, is it? In all our daily choices there is an emotional cost and we tend to choose based on what will offer us the most immediate pleasure and reduce pain – but in the short term. The straw that broke the camel's back was a short-term decision based on the easy way out in the moment, based on pleasure over pain, avoidance over confrontation. But it, nevertheless, broke the camel’s back so was it the best decision in the long run? Emotional labour may not be paid but it certainly comes at a high cost. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice
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In the coaching industry, there's a saying that the client is whole, resourceful and creative. As a counsellor, I think of some of the individuals I've spoken to who've described themselves as broken, clueless and useless. I ponder how a mantra like that - theirs as well as the coaching industry's - impact their mental state. Their mantra makes them feel bad but the coaching industry's mantra might make them feel even worse. Some research suggests that if we try and make ourselves believe something that is too far away from our self-view it can cause even more damage as we now feel like liars. So I may think my clients are whole, resourceful and creative but I don’t offer them this mantra if I think they’ll disagree. I offer this, silently, to my clients and friends and the homeless person I pass on the street: I believe in you. I believe in your potential and capabilities to feel whole and complete because that's how you felt when you were born. I know you're resourceful, I see it, we just need to get you to see it too. And we're all creative, we may not all think our creativity yields beauty but we can all sway to music, all smear paint whether on a wall, canvas or face, all put words together that spell out understandable sentences, we can all interact with an instrument to make sounds, even if it’s awful. Creativity isn't about the result, it's about the process. It changed my relationship with my worldview to believe in others' wholeness, resourcefulness and creativity. I don't need to voice it to know it. I believe that viewing people as whole, resourceful and creative makes my interaction with them healing on its own, without words, compared to if I interacted with them believing the opposite. I wonder what it'd do to your worldview if you were to do the same? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Conformity is fitting into a neat, socially prescribed box. Tick the box to let others know which box you fit into... Gender, sexuality, disability, political affiliation, employment status, relationship status... Many resent being assigned a box and yet, struggle to break free from it. Because, you know what, living inside a box can feel pretty damn good because it's safe. But it's also restrictive. However, do you know what else a box offers? A great vantage point for looking over the sides and seeing what else is out there. You can have the safety of your box, while also gathering information about the world beyond, see what you like, and reject what you don't until you're ready to create your own weird-shaped container. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice You can be anything you want and you can have everything that you want and you can be everything 100% of the time to everyone – the best parent, colleague, partner, friend, lover, fixer, thinker and hobbyist without compromise. And if you believe that, you’re allowed to but you have a hard life ahead of you. I’m choosing to call this capitalism’s greatest April Fools. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice |
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