"She stopped having sex with me 6 months ago. I found out she calls her ex all the time. They reconnected 6 months ago." What's your conclusion? "My sister died 6 months ago. My partner doesn't relate. I feel deeply depressed and lonely. My ex got in touch when he found out. He lost his brother when he was a teen. He gets it. It's nice." What's your conclusion now? Careful buying into half a story. Even if it's a trusted friend who's the storyteller. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice
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Am I living my best life? Will my life have an impact on this world? What is my purpose? What if I regret wasting my potential in this one life? These are some of the BIG existential questions and they are frequent in the counselling and coaching space. For me it boils down to two things: 1) Does it bring me joy? 2) Does my thinking or goal come from a place of expansiveness and love, or limited thinking and negative feelings (like, comparison, perfectionism or judgement)? Following these two rules, you may not have an impact at all but you're a heck of a lot more likely to die loved and with a smile on your face. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Adam Grant writes in Think Again that the path to embracing mistakes is to remember mistakes are essential for progress. Jeff Bezos said that people who are often right listen a lot and they change their minds frequently. If you don't change your mind frequently, you're going to be wrong, a lot. Change your relationship to mistakes and being wrong and you'll change your life. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Big organisations, small businesses, romantic relationships, family dinners, the classroom... We bring disruptive energy into every space we enter, projecting our insecurities onto others and then blaming them for what we see in them which is our mirrored reflection. We mix and match, bringing the frustration of work home, and the annoyances with the other half into the boardroom. We transfer our family interaction onto our patients, clients, customers and pupils. We read the news and rant on social media because our limited viewpoint isn't represented and holding others accountable for our lack of speaking up or making a difference. We blame, we blame, we blame. We point, we react, we judge. But where is the act of taking responsibility for the energy we bring? For the projections and assumptions? For our inability to understand and manage our own emotions? For forcing our under-researched and biased opinions upon others? Knowing what are our assumptions, hang-ups, insecurities, fears and problems are, is rare. Noticing when we project instead of acknowledging our emotions as ours is rarer. Taking responsibility is seldom role-modelled at home, at school, in governments or politics, on the news or on social media. How are we supposed to know better? Because we recognise it in others. We blame others for doing 'it'. We know what ‘it’ looks like when done to us. You looked at the image and thought: "I know someone who does that!" But did you look at the image and think: "I do that!"? When are you going to role model emotional containment yourself and be the change you wish to see? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice I saw a client the other day. They'd been intensely anxious about a potential punishment. The quick solution would be to seek out the punisher and ask if trouble was on its way or not. But that wasn't the right solution, or the best, for this problem. Because it wasn't the problem that was the problem - it wasn't whether or not they'd get punished that really mattered. The real problem was the reasons they feared the potential of punishment so much - the problem of being found out; of having been found guilty of making a mistake; of not being good enough; the fear of judgement. Now, it might seem a logical move to focus on this fear and address whether other people's judgement matter or not. But again, is that really the best or right solution? Because the problem isn't really other people's judgement, or other people not thinking we're good enough, or that other people know we've guilty of mistakes. The real problem is our relationship with ourselves - the Top Judge. After all, if you like yourself enough to accept yourself, flaws and all, and if you like yourself enough to think you're good enough as you are, you won't fear other people's judgement the same. You won't fear being 'found out' because you're already living authentically you. You've come out of the closet as imperfect and you're not shaming yourself for it. The problem is seldom the problem and sometimes the solution isn't the real solution either. Dig deeper. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice There's a famous cartoon of a man asking WHO WANTS CHANGE? Everyone in the crowd raises their hands. WHO WANTS TO CHANGE? Everyone in the crowd looks away awkwardly. WHO WILL LEAD THE CHANGE? Everyone runs away. Change is often wanted but it's hard to do. Because change is scary. Even when we're not happy with the status quo, the brain likes familiarity. Even unhappy 'stuckness' offers certainty and a sense of control. Change can feel overwhelming. When we think of the change we want we often use words with a negative connotation, like 'move away from'. We use avoidance language like 'I want to lose weight as I looked awful on my last holiday'. 'Away' goals are harder to sustain than positive 'towards' goals. So, try thinking of change coming from a positive mindset: 'I want to feel empowered', 'I want to more of…', 'I strive towards'... And see what happens. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice No person is an island - that's because you cannot live unaffected by others or the world around you. Not only are we interconnected, but we need each other too. But imagine you did live on the island of your dreams. What would it look like? Who's on it? How do you feel about your island? And if you were to be relocated to a new island - how would that feel? Who would you bring this time? What material goods would you need? If you actually did imagine this - how did it feel? How might this exercise inspire you to change? And create the island that you want for yourself? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Your past isn't the problem but your relationship with it can be. I do not want to dismiss the power and pain of past trauma, but there are plenty of examples of people living happy and rich lives, despite a terrible past. Though, it’s never about who had it worse or who has the biggest right to feel the most upset. Regardless of the severity of past pain such experiences can leave us feeling unjustly treated, focusing on bitterness or resentment, or helpless, or angry, or indifferent. The past might refer to childhood or it may refer to your last job or relationship - anything that happened up till a minute ago. There is no right or wrong way of dealing with your past and past experiences but it's worth noting that it's your thoughts about it that will lead to whatever outcome you're experiencing - happiness, feeling stuck, bitterness, calmness, acceptance, resentment, sadness, indifference, anger. That's the power of thoughts. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Thinking a highly-priced item is better than a medium or low-cost item is called the Veblen Effect. It's an assumption made based on our inability to afford it and that it's scarce and limited. It's not necessarily a truth. You're paying for the belief that this is better than something else and that there's less of it and thus, that you are more unique. Sometimes it's true - a Ferrari can do things a Honda can't. Sometimes it's not - many luxury clothes are made in the same factory as low-cost items. We ‘buy’ into a narrative around cost but we don’t always – maybe even seldom – get more value for money. What you’re actually purchasing is a feeling. A feeling of exclusivity. A feeling of being special. We pay to feel extraordinary, unique, superior, better than… But we all bleed the same; we’re all capable of heartbreak; we all worry; we all need connection; we all cry; we all want happiness; we all love and need love in return; we all want to feel safe. Maybe it’s not so bad to be like everyone else… What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Refusing to let go of something negative - a feeling, a memory, a comment made - can cause grief. Often bitterness. Nearly always resentment. Who are you hurting? Who is gaining from it? Does it solve it for you? Do you learn anything while stuck in the refusal of letting go? Do you move forward? Does it make you happy? What about potential…? The potential of letting go? The opportunities that letting go offer? The possibilities that come with letting go? When stuck in resentment, ask yourself: Who will you hurt? Who will gain? Will it allow you to move forward? Will it make you happier? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice |
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