I work with artists scared of putting their craft out there, in case they’re judged.
I work with coaches scared of making themselves visible, in case they’re judged.
I work with corporate employees scared of saying no, in case they’re judged.
I work with women scared of speaking up, in case they’re judged.
It’s not really the judgement we fear though, is it?
It’s what we do with the judgment; it’s what we assume the judgement will lead to; it’s that we allow the judgement to dictate how we feel about ourselves and our worth, how we allow it to feed our insecurities and shame. And underneath all of that is the underlying fear of rejection – of being found not good or worthy enough, of losing out on connection.
Nothing wrong with that. In fact, entirely normal, human and understandable.
We’re hardwired for connection, not for rejection.
We’re hardwired to seek safety and certainty, not risks, chasing fear or opening ourselves up to criticism and negative emotions.
But, what has made us stand apart from other animals is our ability to change our relationship with a feeling and the meaning we’re drawing from a word or action like judgement, fear and shame. Our courage and boldness in feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
If this blog is reaching you, you probably live a life of some privilege.
Why not use this privilege to role model what you want to see more of in this world and in your life?
For women to be assertive.
For artists to focus more on adding beauty to the world instead of hiding and playing small.
To lift others with your courage and your boldness by putting yourself out there.
To show vulnerability and demonstrate that it’s safe for others to do so too, in your company.
To stand up against oppression.
To role model healthy boundaries, respect, acceptance, inclusion and making helpful choices.
To role model safety by pausing your judgements, by helping to reduce shame instead of pushing it on others, by being mindful of your words, by being the kind of caring person that you’d like to be around yourself, that you hope to meet when you’re feeling fearful and insecure in showing up in this world.
Because for every person who proudly declares that they don’t care what others think or say, there’s a person terrified of anyone finding out how deeply they actually care and how personally they take judgement.
Why not be the change you want to see in the world - because surely that’s not a bitter, unkind, angry and judgemental person?
What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it.
After all, this is the Manual of YOU!
Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant!
(This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!)
#CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice
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