You can dismiss someone by saying ‘it is what it is’. It shuts down the conversation and it can make the other person feel unheard, misunderstood, not validated or ignored in their story.
You may do the same by saying ‘it was meant to be’ or ‘it was God’s will’ or ‘YOLO’.
It’s called a ‘thought-terminating cliché’ that doesn’t bring people closer and doesn’t show empathy.
However, if you say ‘it is what it is’, ‘it’s in God’s hands’ or ‘carpe diem’ you may also bring a situation into perspective, you may offer a new point of view, you may reframe the meaning of the story at hand, it may calm the nervous system.
That’s why it’s called an ‘emotion-regulating strategy’.
“I feel sad because I was dumped but it is what it is” – for one person this may be a way to dismiss their sadness and not give it due attention because they don’t feel they deserve it.
“I feel sad because I was dumped but it is what it is” – for another person this may bring some perspective. There’s nothing that can be done about this. It’s a fact that they feel sad and were dumped. It’s accepting reality while also allowing their feelings to be heard.
Same words, different meanings.
So, what are you to do?
Never presume. Make your intentions clear – for yourself and others. Ask for their view instead of imposing your own.
For it might be that it is what it is - but we can never know what that is for someone else.
What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
Remember though - it's your life, your choice!
After all, this is the Manual of YOU!
Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices!
#CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou
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