I was learning about shadow work (the parts of ourselves that we deny or ignore and that show up when angry with or judgemental towards others).
I was angry but I couldn't figure out what my shadow was trying to tell me, so I complained about it to a friend:
"I know a life coach who lies to get clients and it's making me so angry."
"Why does it bother you?" My friend asked.
"It's wrong!" I declared with superiority.
"Why is it wrong?" I was challenged.
"Because it hurts people."
"How does it hurt people?"
"People are spending money and making life decisions based on a lie."
"And why is that a problem?" My friend goaded.
"Because it's unkind!" I said with anger. What was he not getting?!
"And what's your number one value?"
Duh, I felt like adding.
"Do you think this coach thinks they're lying and deceiving people?"
"I'm not sure. They say their number one value is honesty."
"So, do you think, they think, they're being dishonest?"
"I think, they think, they're being honest," I concluded.
"So, is it kind to judge them as you have? Even if they are lying, is it kind to judge them on that?"
"What do you think the shadow is that got triggered by the coach's lies?"
"The trigger was their unkindness and my shadow is a judgemental, superior bitch that I don't like existing within me. Being a judgemental, superior bitch isn't kind."
"What do you think would happen, if you accepted your judgemental, superior bitch as part of you, just like everyone else has their dark sides?"
Often when we judge, it's due to whatever part of ourselves that we're denying, hiding, feeling shamed or embarrassed about, or that we're suppressing.
Acknowledging your shadow isn't about becoming a saint who doesn't judge or get angry. It's about becoming honest about your own dishonesty of your hidden self, and then treating that shadow part with acceptance and love.
As my friend said: We're all just flawsome human beings.
What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
Remember though - it's your life, your choice!
After all, this is the Manual of YOU!
Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices!
#CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou
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