Social media and smartphones made it easier to get in touch and stay in touch with people, from the past, the other side of the globe, or from across the sofa. Remember the days when you agreed to meet someone at 1 p.m. on the corner of such and such, you just had to turn up and if someone didn't, you just had to wait - for hours - because there was no way of getting hold of them? And we usually did. We waited and sooner or later our friend would turn up - with a good story as to why they were late. Is it possible we cancelled less then than we do now? Is it possible that a promise and the lack of smartphones and instant messages made us less flaky? Not today. Today, we have FOMO. Today, we pile on too much and we can't do it all - so we bail on promises and commitments. Today, we have access to people 24/7. We apologise when we don't reply instantly - goodness forbid, we even leave it for days. We expect other people to 'instant' message us back. This is not okay, folks. I do not owe you my time when it suits you to have it. And you don't owe me yours - or any explanation as to what you did when you weren't busy replying to me. Please stop apologising for not answering people quickly enough. Please stop feeding a culture of having to explain that you took a few days off social media or that you simply didn't feel like replying, or that your phone was charging in another room. And please stop expecting me to get back to you within a certain window of time. What would happen if we, instead, made real commitments, in real life, and stuck to them instead of being expectant pen pals? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou
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If severe and serious events have impacted you and your life, you may struggle with depressive or anxious symptoms but not because there’s anything wrong with you. Your mental health might be suffering but you don’t have a mental health problem. You’re having a sane reaction. You are having a natural reaction to unnatural events. And no, if depressed or anxious you don't suffer from a chemical imbalance, either. There is no evidence of such. But, if you’re struggling with daily anxiety due to imaginary events playing out in your mind, you have a lively imagination, designed to keep you alive, but when overused it takes joy out of life. And if you feel very low and in a persistently dark mood it's, perhaps, time to examine your boundaries, re-evaluate how you live your life, who you invite into it, the story you're telling yourself and the choices you're making. The good news? That's all possible. The bad news? A pill can't fix that. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou People don't engage with you, become or stay your friend, or want to date or marry you because you're so bland you fit in everywhere, unnoticed. What if you focused more energy on what you're bringing to the table and towards your fans, than to what you think you're not and towards your critics? Focused more on what makes you interestingly unique instead of indistinguishably beige? And please the people who matter to you, instead of everyone else in all the neighbouring tribes? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou I'm very confident, and what I'm confident in - across all aspects of my life and all areas of my knowledge and abilities - is that I know nothing. If I know one thing for sure, it's that I know nothing at all, Aristoteles is credited as having said. The moment you're confident, the moment you don't feel the imposter syndrome or don't have self-doubt, I'd worry! You're getting cocky which leads to blinkers. Confidence is overrated. Do I feel confident and self-assured writing this? Not one bit! What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Seth Godin doesn't like the words "global warming" or "climate change" - they are not severe enough terms and leave things too vague, creating a gap for deniers. He thinks we should call it "atmosphere cancer". Because words matter. They shape us and they shape our reality. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". This should be true. We should override other people's hurtful words, but fact is, that for most people words can cripple, for life. Words matter. "I'm scared of putting myself out there and it feels safer not to" a client once told me, referring to pursuing their dream, which excited them, and filled them with purpose and joy. Safer? Sounds to me like this version of "safety" would kill their joy, purpose and excitement as well. What's safe about that? Words matter, so choose them wisely. They can deeply hurt others (and yourself), they can dismiss the severity of a situation, they can cause pain, and they can prevent you from living a happy life. Just like words can bring joy, connection, love and healing. Because, words matter. So, why not give more attention to how you use them? Towards yourself, as well as others. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Once we start earning money, we start speculating how we can spend it too. Spending it means less long-term planning and more instant gratification and fun. Long-term planning takes effort and willpower. Easier to claim "carpe diem". And when things get hard it's easier to blame others for your problems than to take responsibility. It's easier to think only of yourself and those closets to you than all of society or all of the world. And that's fine but then don't point a finger at the Government and 'the system' when things don't work out for society or the world. Your choices, your vote, your preferences, your needs, your refusals to reduce pleasure paved the way. The road to ill intentions and devastating consequences are often paved with "that's not my responsibility" and "I, as an individual, can't make a difference alone". Make better - kinder - choices for the greater good. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou These blogs hold my opinions. Nothing more, nothing less. Not a golden recipe for life. Not always evidence-based advice. Not a truth, and certainly not your truth. If you subscribe and read to feel shame that you're not living like I'm prescribing, unsubscribe immediately. If you subscribe and read to learn about my worldview and think you might learn something new, even if it's just a new way of looking at things, and if you like having your own opinions challenged occasionally, or sometimes supported, do keep on reading. Critical thinking is an art and a science and it's one of the most important skills and abilities to grow in self-awareness and live free from harmful ignorance. So, what do you think? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Generous Presumptions - it's an act of kindness but not just towards others but towards yourself too. Instead of presuming the worst, instead of showing up with suspicion and judgement, what would happen if you made the most generous presumption about others, the world around you - and yourself? When you get cut off in traffic do you assume the other driver is an arsehole? If so, what does that do for you? Fill you with joy? Make you feel relaxed? Probably not. What if you made a more generous presumption? That they were in a hurry? That they are doing the best they can at that moment? What would happen to your mental state then? When the news bring you a bias and negatively skewed worldview, showing up with generous presumptions instead of accepting the news as is, allowing their cynical worldview to become yours, is an act of vulnerability, courage and kindness. Because what are the risks and consequences - not just for your state of mind but for how you see and interact with the world - if you accept the news as pure, unbiased truths without making a generous presumption? Do you know the real statistics? Less crimes, less hunger, less poverty and lower child mortality than ever before. You choose who you want to put your trust in: The click-bait, hungry media with an agenda or a belief, supported by evidence, of the goodness and kindness out there? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Do you use cruise control? Not on the motorway, but in life? Do you adhere to the recommended speed, set it and then give away control? When your inner critic calls you a failure, stupid or a bad person, do you even notice? When you see someone giving you a look, do you presume it's because of you - something you've said or the way you look? When you have an argument with your partner do you use language that you'd be embarrassed of if others overheard you, or do you allow yourself to be spoken to in a nasty manner without question? Do you ruminate - replay the bad events from the past over and over on eternal repeat? Do you follow the same routine day in and day out with the same dissatisfying results, whether that’s for your mental or physical health? You're on cruise control. Switch it off, regain control and be an active participant. Pause to notice, don't accept less than what you would for your best friend, don't mistreat yourself or others, don't presume everything is about you, and think before you speak - to yourself and others. Is your cruise control kind? Is it necessary? Is it useful? Take control and set your own speed, with kindness, consideration and acceptance of beautiful imperfections. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou So, we developed a story telling part to our brains. This story telling ability can save us and kill us - depending on the story. Once the story would have been: "Watch out for that brown snake or you'll die." And even though, 99% of the time, it was just a branch, it was an important story to ensure we didn't get bidden by a poisonous snake even once! Or, the story that once went: "Please every one in the tribe" because otherwise you'd risk rejection and once upon a time, living alone equated to death. But today, when we live a life of high anxiety, watching out for that metaphorical brown snake, and causing ourselves unnecessary stress, we're most likely telling ourselves a story that isn't true. Or, when we tell ourselves the story that we have to people please or we'll parish, it simply isn't true either. Or, when we tell ourselves that no one likes us, there are no solutions, and no one will miss us if we cease to exist, these are not facts, but simply stories. Likewise, when we don't apply for a job, or ask someone out, or go to an audition because we think we're not good enough, it probably these stories probably aren't true neither, but, more importantly, it certainly won't kill us to try regardless. One of the biggest problems with our stories is that, by and large, no one else cares. Gravity doesn't care if you tell yourself that car accidents only happens to other people so you don't need to put on your seat belt or wear a bicycle helmet. Melanoma doesn't care if you think skin cancer happens to other people as you skip sun lotion. Cancer doesn't care if you find your unhealthy eating, drinking or smoking habits safe. Tell stories that help you, not hinder you, and tell stories that consider all the elements that don't care about your story. Tell stories that include risks because you most likely won't die from putting yourself out there. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
But remember - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU. Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou |
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