No person is an island - that's because you cannot live unaffected by others or the world around you. Not only are we interconnected, but we need each other too. But imagine you did live on the island of your dreams. What would it look like? Who's on it? How do you feel about your island? And if you were to be relocated to a new island - how would that feel? Who would you bring this time? What material goods would you need? If you actually did imagine this - how did it feel? How might this exercise inspire you to change? And create the island that you want for yourself? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice
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Your past isn't the problem but your relationship with it can be. I do not want to dismiss the power and pain of past trauma, but there are plenty of examples of people living happy and rich lives, despite a terrible past. Though, it’s never about who had it worse or who has the biggest right to feel the most upset. Regardless of the severity of past pain such experiences can leave us feeling unjustly treated, focusing on bitterness or resentment, or helpless, or angry, or indifferent. The past might refer to childhood or it may refer to your last job or relationship - anything that happened up till a minute ago. There is no right or wrong way of dealing with your past and past experiences but it's worth noting that it's your thoughts about it that will lead to whatever outcome you're experiencing - happiness, feeling stuck, bitterness, calmness, acceptance, resentment, sadness, indifference, anger. That's the power of thoughts. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Thinking a highly-priced item is better than a medium or low-cost item is called the Veblen Effect. It's an assumption made based on our inability to afford it and that it's scarce and limited. It's not necessarily a truth. You're paying for the belief that this is better than something else and that there's less of it and thus, that you are more unique. Sometimes it's true - a Ferrari can do things a Honda can't. Sometimes it's not - many luxury clothes are made in the same factory as low-cost items. We ‘buy’ into a narrative around cost but we don’t always – maybe even seldom – get more value for money. What you’re actually purchasing is a feeling. A feeling of exclusivity. A feeling of being special. We pay to feel extraordinary, unique, superior, better than… But we all bleed the same; we’re all capable of heartbreak; we all worry; we all need connection; we all cry; we all want happiness; we all love and need love in return; we all want to feel safe. Maybe it’s not so bad to be like everyone else… What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Refusing to let go of something negative - a feeling, a memory, a comment made - can cause grief. Often bitterness. Nearly always resentment. Who are you hurting? Who is gaining from it? Does it solve it for you? Do you learn anything while stuck in the refusal of letting go? Do you move forward? Does it make you happy? What about potential…? The potential of letting go? The opportunities that letting go offer? The possibilities that come with letting go? When stuck in resentment, ask yourself: Who will you hurt? Who will gain? Will it allow you to move forward? Will it make you happier? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice What have we gained by labelling certain emotions as good or bad? Or, perhaps more importantly, what have we lost by this act? None of our emotions are either good nor bad, they are all important signals. Signals of pleasure and joy, signals to pause, signals to re-assess and change, signals of satisfaction, signals to move away, signals of what is okay and what is not. If we were lost at sea, in the dark, we'd never condemn a lighthouse's guidance. We'd rejoice. We'd pay heed to it. Seek it out. Once safe, we'd change direction. Try again. Try anew. Knowing we'd always be able to find a safe harbour if we just follow the guiding light. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice This is an odd message coming from a therapeutic coach. I work in the industry of change, personal development and growth. People seek out counsellors and life coaches to change. And yet, they resist. They don't 'do the work'. They stay stuck. They blame themselves. They get angry or sad. They criticise themselves. They cry, rage, rant, and go ‘round in circles. What if you've grown up never feeling good enough? Always striving to improve. Always being told to do better, to try harder. Never feeling understood or accepted. What if this has made you so unhappy, that you now seek change? Seek a better life, a happier life. Seek a different way of being. What if coming to see someone like me, offering you insights, suggestions, tools, strategies, options and tasks makes some part of you feel not good enough, yet again? Not accepted as you are. What if your resistance is a small voice saying: See me! Understand me! Accept me as I am! Flaws and all. What if you're seeking change based on minimising the unacceptable part of yourself? The ugly? The sad? The stuck? The misunderstood? The unwanted? The rejected? The humiliated? What if true transformation is to accept what is and not seek what could be? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice Humans are incredibly simple and yet, some of the most complicated animals on this planet. We're designed for survival. We're hardwired for survival. We're programmed for survival. We need connection, belonging and physical touch. We need to feel in control and create certainty in our environment. We need to feel safe and secure. Basic needs and yet they drive almost everything we do. We also need to thrive to feel alive – to feel like we matter, that we contribute, that there’s a meaning and purpose to this life and what we’re doing with it, to feel free and to create, be that via cave paintings or constantly finding new ways to make, hear and appreciate sounds. When you look at someone who has a problem in living, you’ll be looking at someone whose basic needs aren’t being met. They might say that they’re surviving but not thriving, not feeling alive. That's where we become deeply complex entities. We want to create but we fear judgement. We want to stand out but fear rejection. We want adventure but crave control. We want to feel free but crave connection. We want novelty but need certainty. We want adventure but need safety and security. We want to feel happy but think ourselves into unhappiness. We fear meaninglessness and death and yet, most of us live on autopilot. What are you overcomplicating to avoid a greater sense of life satisfaction? What basic needs are you not feeding thus creating a story so complex it's paralysing you from action? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice The western world is known for its individualism, and though encouraged and culturally celebrated, it's often also compared to the eastern culture's collective, which is often considered 'better' and more helpful than the selfish individual of the west. I disagree with such simple distinctions. A collective mentality brings heartache and mental health issues aligned with individualism. It's not the collective or the individual that's the problem, it's the values at play that can cause hurt. Individualism doesn't translate into egocentrism or selfishness. You can put yourself first, and you can focus largely on yourself, but part of this self, this focus, could be to give to charity, volunteer, be kind, spread compassion and to try to improve one's community. Thinking of others first, and putting the collective ahead of yourself can cause depression, anxiety, and fear of failing one's tribe and lead to suicide to avoid disgrace or losing face; it can lead to erasing any sense of self, shutting down individual creativity and thinking outside of the box to invent new and better ways of living, for ourselves as well as the greater good. There are cultural norms but there is also individual responsibility for how you choose to show up in this world and live your best life. What are your values and do they serve more than yourself without diminishing the importance of you? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering?
Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice If you want to know one of the most unhelpful pieces of advice we can give another human it's 'put a lid on it'. It's up there with 'calm down' when someone is really worked up, or 'let it go' when someone is hurt, or 'shake it off' when someone is upset. It's not only unhelpful, it's damaging and an incredibly stupid thing to suggest. Our emotions are there to be expressed. They serve a purpose. Am I saying all should rage and scream as they see fit when they see fit? No. But there's a big difference between managing emotions and learning to understand and express your emotions helpfully compared to 'putting a lid on it' which translates into ignoring, containing, bottling up and forcing down. That serves no one, not least the suppressor. Our emotions tell a story – why not invite someone to share what that story is instead of shaming them into silence? What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice I had a client tell me, quietly, that she'd felt ashamed after a harsh comment she’d made about her colleagues in our previous session. She felt ashamed by her comment, by me having witnessed it and that she felt shame at all as that wasn't a compassionate way of being (something we were working on). But as I told her, there is nothing wrong with feeling ashamed, or shame, or guilt, or anger or any of the other emotions labelled as 'negative' or 'bad'. All our emotions serve a purpose, and the idea is to listen to them, not ignore them, avoid them, numb them or deny them. If we're feeling something we label as negative, it's a good idea to listen to ourselves and tap into why and what we'd like to do about it, because all of our emotions are signalling: Do more of this or do less of that. As Shakespeare said: Nothing is neither good or bad, but thinking makes it so. The emotions Western society has labelled as negative can be thought of as bad, as something to avoid or numb, or it could be seen as something good, as there to help us make the right decision or to do the right thing, to live closer to our values and beliefs or to inform us it’s time to change our behaviours. Taking a step back when feeling or experiencing something we perceive as negative, telling ourselves that this is neither good nor bad, it simply is what it is and meeting and being with your emotions from that place can give us the distance we need to not drown in our emotions but, instead, create solutions. What's the story you’re telling yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though, with whatever you read online, take what you like and leave the rest because it's your life and, therefore, your choice of how to live it. After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - make kind choices and stay flawsome! Don’t forget, you’re fucking brilliant! (This was written by a human – a dyslexic one at that! Yay!) #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou #YourLifeYourChoice |
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