Comparison is a curse we put on ourselves. We either compare up = jealousy ("I want what they have. Here are all the reasons I'm a failure for not having that..."). Or, we compare down = guilt or judgement ("how can I feel bad when there are so many far worse off? Or, "they're such losers!") You're unlikely to achieve much from either, other than unhappiness. Why not compare yourself to people who'll motivate you instead? Why not think about everything others envy you for? Or, even better, reframe 'comparison' with 'inspiration': "I want what they have - what do I need to do to achieve that?" "That homeless person is so much worse off than me - how can this encounter inspire me to be the change I want to see in the world?" "I caught myself judging that person as a loser - what do I see in them I can’t admit to being myself?" "I feel like a failure - how might this feeling inspire me to make changes that’ll make me feel better about myself?" What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou
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Trust is yours to give and take back as you please. Trusting someone doesn’t mean they won’t make mistakes or hurt you. Not trusting doesn’t keep you safe from hurt either. Trust is an act of courage, vulnerability and kindness – not least towards yourself. It may seem scary but if you trust someone, trust that they won’t be flawless, trust they’ll make mistakes and trust that you can find it within yourself to move on, with or without them alongside you. But when you take and give trust, do you ensure you can be trusted too? Can the other person trust you to be honest about your needs, your thoughts and feelings? Trust that you will treat them with respect if they don’t act as you want them to? Trusting others does not protect you from hurt. But what are the consequences of not? A life of suspicion, of hiding or holding back, of distrust in the world around you and the people in it? If you let people in, you risk being hurt. And if you don’t, you risk living alone, at the very least in your heart. The choice is yours. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou What if being wrong was the route to being right? Accepting you could be wrong opens you up to other possibilities, new facts, alternative explanations. It expands your mind. Fearing you're wrong and thus protecting your rightness might just be a successful recipe for being wrong - and arrogant too. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Nancy Kline writes in More Time to Think: "Expressing feelings is okay sometimes. That is, they are there to be experienced, not repressed or demeaned or denied. But sometimes they arise in situations in which expressing them is dangerous - dangerous to good thinking. (...) Let's say you are in a group. Someone says something. It enraged you. You strike at them. You say later that you were being authentic, human, honest. You felt rage. You expressed rage. What is wrong with that? Only one thing. People stop thinking. And so do you. Rage silences. So, if silence is your aim, rage on. But that silence is only survival. It is not a reply. It is not even compliance. It is fear." Kline encourages us to think before we speak, express, react. It helps both us and those around us to think, speak, express and act better, healthier, more constructively and helpfully - she calls it, creating a Thinking Environment. What might be different for you and those in your life, if everyone was given more time to think? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Volumes have been written about love. No one agrees on what it looks like, what it feels like, or how to make it last but everyone has an opinion! We all crave it and most of us fear it too. We all know that pain, loss and grief are the costs of love but that doesn’t mean we like it, accept it or ever feel prepared for it. And we all know we can’t survive without it and yet many of us try to avoid it, hide from it and downplay it. Are they The One? First of all, why don’t you do the work to make yourself The One first? To make yourself the greatest love of your life? To have and to hold, for better and for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish? Why is that not the great love story we’re taught before all else? Why is this not the love story imparted to us by our parents? Secondly, why not make The One into The Ones – friends, lovers, family. Let them come and go, love them, honour them, cherish them, support them. Let them enrich your life and be part of enriching theirs. Let love be something given and received in abundance instead of this singular, romantic focus. And finally, you’ll know if your significant other is The One in about 25 years so why are you stressing about that already now? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Don't think you're better than others. Don't praise yourself as it'll lead to arrogance. Taking care of yourself is selfish - don't. Compassion and vulnerability are for the weak and meek - don't. Courage is to bare all, silently. Don't voice pain. If you have emotions you're overly sensitive and attention-seeking - don't be that way. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps - don't feel sorry for yourself. Put your big boy/girl pants on - don't admit to struggling. Don't be different. Don't stand out. Don't be a sheep. Don't lead. Don't follow. Don't think you're likeable or good enough. Do better. Be more. Don't think your opinion matters. Don't be generous with praise. Don't accept praise or you're egotistical These are the commandments I grew up with and that I see visible in society. How about you? Who taught us these lessons and are they healthy or helpful? I, personally, don’t think so and refuse to live by them any longer. Do be human. Do be flawed. Do love your imperfections as they make you so relatable. Do let go of your perfectionist standards. Do dare to not be liked – it’s incredibly freeing. Do be you, as you are or freely choose to be. Do let go of lessons, opinions, beliefs, traditions, expectations, and commandments that don’t serve you. Don't live a life that doesn't serve you well. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou What would change for you, today, if you were to change your perspective on your perceived weaknesses and flaws? What if imposter syndrome made you a well-adjusted human being? What if low self-esteem meant you're more conscientious? What if writer's block is an excuse rather than a curse? What if procrastination is a self-protective mechanism meant to prevent overwhelm and keep you safe? What if you flipped your narrative? I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, or that you should be working towards change - I'm just asking the question: What would happen if you offered yourself an alternative story to your self-defeating beliefs? What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou There are a few things you can do for anger management: Exercise, get more sleep, eat well, breathe deeply, ground yourself, scream into a pillow, smash things (but, please, be mindful that hurting someone else will always make things worse in the long run). My suggestions for the best cure? Honesty. Anger tends to be a dishonest feeling. It is expressed as a cover-up. It's a safer go-to feeling than, for example, sadness as it can make you feel powerful and in control, and it can make others feel small and scared (if that's your aim). Underneath that anger, lies the truth, like the biggest part of an iceberg hidden beneath the surface of the sea. Name the true feeling and you'll see how hard it is to remain angry. Anger likes to cover up feelings of hurt, or betrayal, of being scared, or feeling rejected, or worried, or overwhelmed, or tricked, or embarrassed, shamed, humiliated or under attack. Maybe, it's jealousy, resentment, guilt, confusion, pressure, regretful, surprise, feeling defeated, frustrated, inferior, unappreciated or insecure. Perhaps, what you're truly feeling is abandoned, manipulated, betrayed, belittled, powerless, inadequate, foolish or deceived. Name the real feeling and be true to that and yourself and you'll not only reduce your anger, strengthen your relationships via honest and vulnerable conversations but you'll also get to know yourself in a way you never have before. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou I once worked with a client who’d often say: "That's not an interesting question. The interesting question is..." and he'd flip it. I once had a client ask me: "If you think I'm to blame in any given situation, will you tell me?" I answered: "Whether you were right or wrong, or to blame or not, that's not an interesting question. It won't give us a useful answer. If I say yes, then what? What can you do with that? How will it serve you? Help you? Move things forward in a productive manner? The interesting question is, why did you, and why did they, behave like you/they did? What was the motivation? That answer is useful for future actions." Questions stemming from judgement are seldom interesting or helpful. Find a more interesting question instead - one that's supportive, expansive and deepens understanding, instead of limiting, hurtful and disconnecting. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou Lewis Thomas said: "The capacity to blunder is the real marvel of DNA. Without this special attribute, we would still be anaerobic bacteria, and there would be no music." Greatness comes from mistakes. Perfectionism is the enemy of great blunders. What's the story you tell yourself, and is it helpful or hindering? Remember though - it's your life, your choice! After all, this is the Manual of YOU! Until next time, take care, stay safe - and sane - and make kind choices! #CultureOfImperfection #GenerousContribution #RadicalKindness #EthicalLiving #ConnectingCommunities #ReframingNarratives #TheManualOfYou |
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